


Never Be Afraid of Who You Are

by EternalSummerSlacking



Category: Star Wars: The Last Jedi - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Post-Canon Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:40:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23893222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternalSummerSlacking/pseuds/EternalSummerSlacking
Summary: There are a few issues I had with the plot of the sequel trilogy... Gonna try to fix it here.In this version of the sequel trilogy, Rey saw that she was the granddaughter of the Emperor when she went into the darkness on the island at Ach-To. When Luke found out, he made the same mistake he did with Ben, and Kylo/Ben seeks her out.
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	Never Be Afraid of Who You Are

Rey made it out of the cave on autopilot, collapsing on the ground. She was reeling… the pain and fear was so all-consuming she could focus on nothing else. She sat there on her knees, gasping for breath, while her emotions coursed through her. She was blind and deaf – there was nothing but the agony. 

She had no idea how long she was there before she became aware of something else; a sense of shock. It took a moment to realize it didn’t originate within herself. Her senses seemed to come back online all at once, given something to focus on outside of the terror and pain throbbing through her. She looked up and found Luke standing ten feet away, a look of shock and horror on his face. 

He knew. 

Rey used the Force to reach out toward him, and saw that her emotions and thoughts were so strong she had been broadcasting them, practically shouting them mentally at anyone nearby. She locked eyes with Luke, and waited for his reaction. Would he cast her off the island? Tell her she could not help the Resistance any longer? Tell her she was bound to fall to the Dark Side? 

He tried to kill Ben when he saw the darkness inside him… he claimed to regret it. But if the darkness inside a Skywalker, his own nephew, had tempted him toward murder, surely a Palpatine with the same raw power could drive him to a similar response. She watched the horror on his face, knowing that he was thinking through how to respond. His instincts would urge him to destroy the threat of the Emperor – he had faced the Emperor himself as he came into his own powers, and knew what was at stake allowing that kind of power to exist in the galaxy. But he himself had brought Kylo Ren to power by thinking to kill him rather than guide him back to the light, if only for a moment. Rey knew this conflict raged within him, and she could not see a positive outcome. She felt desperate, casting about for any possibility, any shred of logic, that her bloodline would not define her. 

“But… I’m still me…” was all she could manage to croak out. “Right?” 

She looked into Luke’s eyes, the father-figure she felt she had failed. It had been horrible believing she was a nobody, abandoned by her family. The truth was so much worse. She felt her desperation and pleading reaching out toward Luke, and being met by the same wall of shock and horror. She couldn’t focus enough to reach for his mind, could only feel his strong emotions, so she watched from the ground as he sifted through his options. She had no choice but to wait for his verdict. 

Her mind shifted to Ben. Was she really destined to fall to the Dark Side? If Luke cast her out, would she be forced to go to Ben for training to control her powers? Then a horrifying thought occurred to her… did she even know the true depth of what she was capable of? The Emperor had been known to exercise extraordinary, even unnatural powers. Would she be capable of the same command of the Dark Side that he was? She sought Luke’s eyes again, with a renewed sense of urgency. She needed him to say it was ok, that she was still the same girl she was before this revelation. But he still stared at her with that look of fresh horror. The length of his deliberation only made her more nervous and impatient. A separate tingle of fear crept down her spine. The Force was alerting her to an imminent danger. She took in Luke’s stance; one foot in front of the other, knees slightly bent, hands hovering at his sides… ready to grab a weapon if needed. She drew back slightly, her fight or flight responses kicking in. Her eyes started pinballing over Luke’s form, taking in any evidence of a threat. He had his light saber at his hip, and his hand hovered inches from its hilt. Adrenaline pumped through Rey’s system and she slid herself backward another foot. 

She saw his hand twitch. 

Rey shot to her feet, reaching out with her hand, feeling the Force humming all around her. She sank into its power, felt its weight, and thrust it out toward Luke, throwing him across the clearing. She didn’t give a thought to whether he was hurt, or whether he was pursuing her. She sprinted down to the beach, leaping over logs, and vaulting over boulders with her staff. She saw the Millenium Falcon come into view, its freight doors open. Chewie was on the beach nearby, sifting through a pile of wood to start a fire. She ran straight into the ship, slamming the button to close the doors as she entered. She didn’t stop running until she jumped into the pilot seat, and within moments, she was blasting away from the island. She charted a random course, away from any planets or known outposts. She punched the ship into light speed, and then stopped and cut the engine within seconds of arriving. The Millennium Falcon drifted silently in an inky darkness, with far off pinpricks of light the only points of connection to the rest of the galaxy. 

She was alone. 

**********************************************************************************************************************************************

Kylo was fuming. That bastard Hux was undermining him to Snoke, again. Hux’s light speed tracking had worked perfectly, and he had sought and received a gold star from his Master. Meanwhile, Kylo’s face now bore a permanent reminder to Snoke of the defeat… the embarrassment… he had suffered at the hands of the girl… 

He stalked down the hallway, storm troopers skittering away as he advanced. In this moment he hated everything. Foremost in his mind were Snoke and Hux. They would pay for the constant slights. He had given everything to the First Order, to Snoke. He had turned away from his family, his entire life. He had slaughtered countless, faceless millions across the galaxy. His father… he had struck him down just days ago. He thought of his grandfather, heard his voice drifting through his mind, urging him to embrace the darkness. But these siren calls to the light persisted, and Snoke saw their impact laid bare in Kylo’s mind. 

In a burst of fury and shame, he shouted and flung his helmet across the hall. It struck a passing storm trooper - who fell unconscious to the ground - and implanted itself in the wall. The wall lights shattered, as the helmet nested itself in the wires, cutting power to the hallway. He took a breath, filling himself with the Force, feeling the weight of it settle over him. He reached out, and drew the helmet back to him, and resumed his frustrated pace. 

Suddenly he was overtaken by a profound and all-consuming fear. His entire body shook with the panic, the desperate urge to run actually making his legs flex in preparation. He heard a hoarse scream reverberating in the hallway around him, and belatedly realized it was him making the noise. He gathered all the strength he could muster, and scrambled for the door to his quarters. He practically fell inside, driven by the desperate need to escape. The door closed behind him, closing him in. He felt both safe… and trapped. He looked around desperately for an enemy to attack, and felt only the odd storm trooper patrolling the hallways around him. He reached out through the hallways with his mind to identify the threat triggering his instincts… and found nothing. It took several minutes to find the focus to separate himself from these feelings. He focused on his thundering heartbeat, urging it to slow. The adrenaline slowly eased, and his too-loud breathing started to calm. 

This fear wasn’t his. 

The thought flew into his mind as soon as the panic receded enough for him to focus. He threw up as many mental walls as he was able – overkill, really. One or two likely would have done the job. But he couldn’t go through that again. Even in his most desperate moments, he had never felt that all-consuming panic. 

It was her. Rey. 

He felt his heart rate pick up again, fresh adrenaline pumping into him. He frowned – this was his own fear. Why should he feel fear at the idea of her fear? His anger came back, a comforting presence now. It banished some of the fear, and let him focus. It troubled him that he felt this fear… concern? … for the girl, but he would deal with that later. He needed to focus now. This strange connection he shared with her obviously transmitted her raw emotions to him when they were strong like this. Why was she so afraid? Given the context of the First Order war, she was very likely fighting for her life. Again, his heartbeat began to speed. He reached instinctively for her mind, but couldn’t get through. He could feel her… he could always feel her. But he couldn’t touch her mind. He closed his eyes, focusing all his concentration into reaching her. He imagined speaking her name, chanting it in his mind like a litany. He felt a stirring, but still couldn’t break through. He finally started speaking her name out loud, urging her to hear him and let them connect. 

Then he felt it. 

The room seemed to have all the oxygen sucked out of it as he opened his eyes. The silence was pronounced – it was both unnerving in its rarity, and comforting for its privacy. The fear he had been shutting out seemed to have just fallen away, replaced by a numbness he welcomed. 

She was across the room, her arms wrapped around her knees, sitting in a chair – a pilot’s chair? She was in a ship. He couldn’t see it… to him, she was just suddenly sitting in a chair on the other side of his chamber. She was staring blankly at something over his head… her eyes were haunted, and silent tears streaked her face. She didn’t react to his presence… he wasn’t sure she actually registered his presence. He took a couple hesitant steps toward her... nothing. 

“Rey?” he questioned. Her head twitched half an inch toward him, but her eyes continued staring off beyond him. He continued stepping toward her cautiously, stopping in front of her. He knelt down, his face less than a foot from her own. 

“Rey,” he said firmly. He urged his will into her with that one syllable, pushing her to acknowledge him. Her head finally turned toward him, her eyes searching for his. Locked in each other’s gaze, she seemed to finally recognize her surroundings and him. The numbness still clung to her, but he could feel the fear, and now pain – agony – looming. 

“Ben…?” she asked. She looked about herself. He saw tremors wrack her body as her eyes widened, the fear and pain creeping back into her. He reinforced the walls in his mind, ensuring her panic wouldn’t overtake him again. 

“I felt your fear. It was…” – he searched for a way to both be honest and not give away the shameful panic he had experienced – “…intense,” he settled on. Her eyes returned to his. 

“You felt that?” she asked. He nodded. 

“Keenly,” he admittedly, begrudgingly. “What happened? You’re in a ship now… you were near an ocean before… I could feel the spray of it, taste its salt when we connected before. Where are you?” Rey’s eyes returned to that spot over his shoulder, searching. She uttered a single, short, humourless chuckle. 

“I have no idea,” she admitted. “Nowhere.” 

“Why did you run?” She looked at him questioningly. He knew without asking that she was wondering how he knew she had run from something. “Like I said, you’re in a ship now. And I felt your fear… your desperation… that blinding urge to run. Why did you run?”

It felt like several long minutes as she struggled for words. He knew she wasn’t ignoring him or refusing to answer, just having trouble keeping her emotions in check and simultaneously describe their origins to him. 

“I found out who I am,” she finally choked, her voice cracking. Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks, silently clinging to her cheeks, before gravity whisked them off the ledge of her chin, across her collarbone, and onto her already drenched clothing. She gave another unconscious shudder from the cold, and Kylo reached to remove his cloak. He held it above her, silently urging her forward in her seat slightly so he could wrap it around her. She did so without hesitation, seemingly without thought. He was pleased that she seemed to trust him. He told himself he was pleased only because it would be easier to turn her if she trusted him, confided in him… but he knew without a doubt that he would not use this connection to intentionally manipulate her. Neither of them could harm or influence the other with the Force here. It was a pure, almost sacred connection – whatever it was – and he would not sully it that way. Outside of their shared mind, they would wage war against each other, try to outdo and outlast the others’ efforts… but here, they were safe. 

And he was curious about her. She had been a mystery he couldn’t for the life of him solve. For someone completely untrained to have bested him in hand to hand combat, she must have an incredible bloodline, but surely it could not be greater than that of a Skywalker? But for her reaction to be so strong… maybe it was the opposite. She had been so desperately searching for her parents… 

Ahh… he thought. They were no one. It was rare, but possible, for someone with no strong ancestral connection to the Jedi or Sith to be strong with the Force. She had gone in search of answers and had been disappointed when she found them. She had romanticized a history where her parents had some great obstacle to overcome before they could return for her and save her from her lonely and loveless existence. She thought they were the heroes in her story, slaying imaginary dragons out somewhere in the galaxy. But she had found they were absolutely no one. Most likely, they had sold her for quick money. And she was devastated. 

Again, he felt the urge to file this information away, use it to influence her into turning. But as he looked at her again, heartbroken and lost, he felt that darkness in him give way. He was weak… pathetic. There was no doubt. But no one needed to know about this weakness. No one knew about their connection. When she didn’t go on, he prodded. 

“And? Who are you?” She didn’t continue. “Tell me,” he urged softly. He needed her to admit it. He couldn’t touch the information in her head, for some reason. She was both wholly exposed and fiercely in denial about it, and he could not verify the truth of his assumption without her leading him there. He waited several moments while she tried to gather her thoughts. Her mouth was moving – a silent stutter, really – and he knew she couldn’t speak of it. Her emotions were still too confused and consuming. He felt that fear and pain crashing against his walls, the panic seeping through here and there, rising and ebbing like a tide as she sorted through it. He beat it all back, and focused on her. 

“Show me,” he urged, when it became clear she wouldn’t be able to speak of it. Her eyes met his, and she seemed to be making a decision. He knew without reaching out that she was trying to determine if she could trust him. He stared back into her eyes, showing her everything that was there. After a few breaths, she seemed satisfied. She lifted her hand up, reaching for his face. Her palm landed gently on his cheek, cupping his jaw. Her hand was chilled and damp, but his face heated at the contact. He felt a fullness, a sense of grounding. Like her hand anchored him here – not here in this ship, but here in this existence. Both their breathing picked up pace, though remaining perfectly matched in tempo. She looked into his eyes for a last moment, before closing her own. 

His mind flooded with the images she recalled and the emotions they evoked. He saw her on an island… he recognized it. It was the same ocean, the same island from her dreams. The same place he had pulled from her mind when they had first met, as he’d been interrogating her aboard his ship. He momentarily dropped out of their shared visions with surprise, looking at her with appraising eyes. She had been dreaming about Luke’s location all her life, without ever realizing it. He shook off the surprise and rejoined the vision she was sharing with him. He saw her finding Luke on a hilltop, asking him to return to the fight, to help turn the tide of war. Seeing Luke again, Kylo felt anger rise in him. He remembered his own last encounter with Luke, when he had turned on him, when they had turned on each other, and seeing him now, he wished he could ruin the old man all over again. He would see him dead before this war was over. 

He felt Rey’s frustration at Luke’s refusal to return with her. He felt her determination to persuade him to train her. Then her elation when he finally agreed. She glossed over her first interaction with himself through this connection… he felt only her surprise and unease as they spoke inaudibly in the background. Then she was racing on to the darkness… the place beneath the island that held the balance; the good was above, and the dark was below. He felt a draw to that place within himself, its pull doubly intensified by her own desire to go there. He felt another surprise at this. She didn’t seem wary or hesitant of it… she wanted to know what secrets it could reveal to her. But then he felt her shame at Luke’s disgust as he accused her of not even hesitating to listen to the call of the dark. She avoided that place at first. 

The vision Rey shared with him seemed to jump forward in time. She was ready to accept the gift the darkness offered her now. Kylo felt another stirring of surprise… and excitement. Maybe turning her would not be so difficult, after all. He felt her be pulled down into the dark waters, not knowing which way was up. She couldn’t breathe… and then suddenly she was in an infinite cave. There was no end to it, and she went on forever. She wasn’t afraid at all. She knew the answers she sought were here and she would have them. In a single moment that lasted forever, she reached the depths of the cave. She stood in front of a dirt-encrusted mirror of sorts, a crystal wall embedded in the rock face. The answers lay beyond. 

“Show me my family,” he heard her whisper, her excitement growing with every syllable. He saw shadows moving behind the crystal, stepping up to pane. She reached to wipe away the dirt, and revealed… 

Herself. 

So it was as he had thought. Her parents were nobody. Not even worth the effort to conjure their appearances. He felt her shoulders crumple forward, her eyes sting, and her knees give way beneath the crushing disappointment. She sat there staring at the wall, praying that it was just a delay, that somehow they were coming for her. He pitied her in this moment. She couldn’t let go of her fantasy. No more than he could let go of his. 

Then… there was movement beyond the crystal pane. Her pain halted all at once, and she became laser-focused on the pane again. She rose to her feet, stepping closer… closer…

She squinted, pressed her hands to the pane, moved her face just a few inches from the crystal to try to make out what was coming. All at once, the air around her crackled with energy, and the pane lit up with a blue light. Bolts of lightning shot out of the crystal, and she jumped back. He felt her terror course through him; for the first time since entering this place, she worried that she may have made a mistake in coming here. But there was still movement coming toward her in that crystal, so she didn’t go far. Her desire for family outweighed her sense of self-preservation in this moment. Lightning was raining down on the other side of the pane, and every few seconds, a stray lightning bolt would shoot out of the pane and into the cave. Finally, the shadow within began to take form. A cloaked figure was coming toward her. The figure stopped on the other side of the pane, and Rey’s deep-seated longing made her hand lift unconsciously toward the pane, urging them to reveal themselves. 

In her mind she heard a horrible voice, both sickly and incredibly powerful, call out to her. “Granddaughter…” it whispered. That voice called forth every nightmare she had ever had. Rey’s terror skyrocketed, and she reached for her lightsaber instinctively, but couldn’t move. She was locked in place, fear making her forget everything but the horror looking her in the eye. The hood was pushed back by gnarled fingers, to reveal a grotesque, mutilated face. She screamed. 

Kylo’s shock ripped him from their vision. Where he had heard just her screaming in the cave, now he heard his own voice screaming. They were both screaming. He slammed his walls back up, realizing too late that they had crumbled silently in the vision. He had been so entranced, so taken in by what she was showing him, he had forgotten himself. He had become her in those moments. Seamlessly. But he shoved this unnerving revelation aside as he tried to process what he’d just seen.

He was backed against the wall in his quarters, all manner of objects strewn about the floor from him stumbling back into a table, and sending objects atop it flying in his haste to pull away from the cave. It was silent now in their private place….him in his quarters, and her on her ship, but both existing in this bubble out of space and time. They were both breathing heavily, the panic still rampant in both their systems. He stared at her, wide-eyed and mouth agape. She seemed to have pulled herself out of the vision now as well, alarmed by his reaction. They had understood immediately who this specter in the crystal was. He could scarcely believe it, though. 

Her?! Descended from the Emperor? Darth Sidious himself?! 

He felt waves of fear and of hope, of wanting it to be true and of dreading its potential. Would this mean she would turn? Would she join him? Would she be a rival to him, her legacy superseding his supremacy of the Dark Side? He stared at her, the questions running wild through his mind. After a few long moments, he focused on her eyes once more, as he always found clarity there. 

She was terrified. And wary. She took in his shocked expression, and was mentally comparing it to Luke’s reaction. He saw his own face, etched with shock and fear, and saw her mental notes as she compared it to his former Master’s as he had stared at her not long ago. He saw her take in Luke’s stance, felt the unconscious urge to run take hold of her… and then Luke’s hand moved. It was just a fraction of an inch. But she blew him away with a thought and was in an all-out sprint to her ship. 

Kylo’s rage returned instantly. It flowed through him with familiarity, banishing the fear, the indecision, the surprise. Everything else melted away. He felt a single-minded urge to gut the man who had done this to her… who had done this to him. In an instant he was a youngling again, missing his parents, desperately trying to live up to his name, and failing miserably under the weight of his mantle as he trained under his legendary uncle, and as the Dark Side called to him so clearly. He felt Rey being drawn into his own visions, comparing what Rey had just shown him with his own experience of Luke turning on him. Nearly identical. He felt a small lick of pleasure pulse through the anger, knowing that they had one more thing in common, some shared experience. But the rage was otherwise all-consuming, and he endeavored there and then to make Luke’s death a painful one. An intimate one. 

Kylo’s gaze returned to Rey’s eyes, still wary and watching him closely. She feared he would turn her away, he realized. That she would be cast out again. But underneath of that, there was a deeper fear… she feared Luke was right to be afraid of her. That she was destined to turn to the Dark Side, and that she would have no say in her allegiances. Kylo wouldn’t pretend to hope for anything else. He wanted nothing more than he wanted her to join him. They would be unstoppable together, this link in their minds letting them share a power he did not yet know the limits of. So long as she didn’t become a rival on the Dark Side to him… he searched her eyes for any possibility of this being the case, and thought it remote. She was still obstinately on the side of the Light, fearing the power of the Dark. But as for her fear of him rejecting her… 

“Don’t be afraid,” he urged her quietly, putting all the calm he could muster behind his words, letting it seep into her until she felt the truth of it. “You’re safe here.”

He stepped forward, returning to his kneeling position before her. Their faces so close, they could see every facet of each other’s eyes this way. He quashed down his anger at Luke, and focused on Rey. As he came close again, he saw her hands lift automatically toward him. He froze, his instincts expecting an attack. With a moment’s assessment, he overrode the impulse to deflect her, knowing she would not try to harm him. Rey unfurled herself, moving her feet down to the floor in front of him. She laid a palm on his chest, and laid the other on his shoulder, as if balancing herself. He felt himself sway backward, surprised at the contact, and watched her eyes go wide, as if she hadn’t been expecting it either. A calmness settled over them, a relief. Kylo hadn’t felt this sense of belonging since he was a child. They stared at each other for a few long moments, asking silent questions and answering with their eyes. 

“You aren’t afraid of me?” she finally asked, hesitantly. He paused, wanting to answer truthfully. 

“No more than I was when we last met,” he responded. She nodded thoughtfully, understanding the sentiment perfectly. 

“I don’t know what to do now,” she murmured, looking again at that space behind him. She must be looking out the window at space before her, he thought, wondering what direction to turn to next. 

“Tell me where you are,” he offered. His tone grew more earnest as he went on. “I’ll find you. You can discover and develop your power with me guiding you.”

He felt her stiffen. The wariness returned to her eyes. 

“No… no,” he urged her, his tone growing sharp, willing her to hear him out. “Listen to me. This bond… it brought me to you in this moment. When you were thrown away like trash” – he saw her wince at the word – “by the man you saw as a father for something you have no control over, the Force brought us together. Rey… we were meant to come to this place together. You have darkness in you, just like I do. We are the same.” Kylo took Rey’s hands off of him, clasping them firmly in his own, and felt his heart just… fall open. Everything he was feeling was laid bare before her, and he began to speak fervently, and he could feel his intensity both entrancing and frightening her. 

“Rey… come with me. I’ll teach you everything I know. You’ll be safe with me. And I will never abandon you. I won’t leave you behind, like the rest have.” He move one of her hands to his chest, pressing it to his heart. “I swear, Rey. I’ll show you everything. We will be unstoppable together.” His eyes bore into hers, pleading wordlessly. She was tense; he suspected that she trusted him here in their shared connection, but would still be suspicious and antagonistic toward him in the physical world. “Rey…” he beseeched her, the pleading evident in his tone. 

He felt her warring within herself, desperately wanting to go to him, to trust him, to learn whatever she could from him… to allow herself to feel the acceptance he offered. But there was still a large part of her that was utterly committed to the Light. In fact, he felt that her allegiance to the Light was virtually unmoved despite her discovery of her lineage, and despite Luke’s betrayal. Her temptation was not toward the Dark Side, but toward him, and the sense of belonging he offered her. He felt a stab of joy shoot through him, knowing that she was so strongly swayed toward him, even if she remained obstinately dedicated to her sense of morality. 

Rey extracted her hands from his, moving them up to his face. She framed his face in her palms, gently stroking the skin of his temples, his cheeks. She searched his eyes, looking for what, Kylo couldn’t fathom. She seemed to be satisfied with what she found. 

She leaned forward, slowly, keeping her eyes locked on his. When they were just an inch apart, her eyes fluttered closed, and she pressed her lips to his. At this softest of contact, Kylo felt the constant weight he carried lift away, and dissipate. His eyes slammed shut as he accepted the shocking relief, the reprieve from the constant war raging within himself. Her lips moved against his, and he moved to match her pressure, his hands moving to her waist. He didn’t need to be strong or powerful, or even Light or Dark, in this moment. He simply needed to feel the gift that she was giving him. 

They stayed like that for a few long moments, exploring. Through their bond, they each felt everything the other was feeling in this intimate moment, the other’s emotion amplifying their own. Then she slowly pulled back, her hands sliding down his arms. He pulled back another inch and looked into her face, trying to ascertain if she had decided whether to join him or not. 

She looked grim. She cast her eyes down at her knees as she gave her decision. 

“I…” She stopped and sighed, resigned. “I have to go back.” She peeked up at his eyes to gauge his reaction. Kylo felt slow as he processed what she had said. He was confused, thinking perhaps he’d misunderstood, and surprised, that she might be considering this. 

“Go back?!” he finally hissed. “Are you insane?!” He pictured Luke again, say him staring down at her judgmentally, deciding whether to kill her or not. He thrust the image into her mind to reinforce his point. Rey winced. 

“No…” she conceded, nodding her head in agreement. “I can’t go back there. I don’t think Luke can help me anymore.” Kylo felt a flood of relief. Perhaps she wasn’t suicidal in her quest for belonging, at least. But what had she meant then…? Then it dawned on him. He bolted to his feet, startling her. She jumped back in her seat as he towered over her. 

“The Resistance?! You would risk that?! You can’t go back there now!” he shouted down at her, trying to make her see sense. Her eyes flashed with anger, as her stubbornness came out on full display. She shot to her feet, meeting his rage with her own. 

“Well, I have to try!” she shouted back. They were only a foot away from each other, shouting in each other faces. He closed the tiny space between them, and grabbed her roughly by the upper arms, entreating her to understand. 

“They won’t accept you anymore, Rey! You can’t be this naïve! If you tell the Rebels that you are a direct descendant of the Emperor?! They won’t just cast you out… they’ll kill you. They can’t risk his power seeing the light of day ever again. They’ll fear you, hate you, even.” Rey’s eyes were troubled as he acknowledged and reinforced her every fear. He had to make her see… He gentled his tone, unleashing the full force of his persuasive skills. “You must come with me. You will always have a place at my side. No one will be able to stand against us. And all those who fear you, who wish you harm, will not be able to withstand our combined power. Rey…” She watched him for a moment, and suddenly looked sad. 

“Ben… I wish you could understand. It doesn’t matter if they do throw me out. Or if they fear me… or hate me.” He felt a shift within her. Her fear of who she was, of how others would perceive her, of how her power might affect her ability to connect with the Light, fell to a simmer, persistent but muted. A resolve rose in its place as she spoke. He saw images of her friends, and of Luke, Leia, and Han Solo drifting through her mind. “I still have to try. I have to fight. Even if it’s on my own. I will do whatever I can for them.” His hands fell away from her as he rocked back on his heels, in stunned disbelief. She still believed in fairy tales, even when the one she had written for her family had been torn up and burnt in front of her eyes. 

“What… is it… that makes you so determined… so _loyal_ … - “ he spat the word like it was dirty “ - to these traitors and thieves you think of as family?!” He genuinely couldn’t understand it. That she would be willing to forsake this connection… this glorious gift of power, and belonging … for a handful of nobodies and their “cause”. He took an image of her pilot friend from her mind, adding in images from his own memories of using the Force to extract whatever he wanted from the man’s mind. He layered in words with the pictures, emphasizing each with emotion. “Weak. Spice Runner. Nobody.” 

Rey’s eyes sparked, her brows drawing downward in anger. 

“Tell me,” he urged, more calmly, trying to take the goading edge from his tone. He genuinely wanted to understand why she acted this way, why she forged connections with these people. Han, Luke and Leia were all surrogate parents for her. He knew all too well about the damage done by her parents abandoning her, and understood her need to connect with these three authority figures… even if he found it childish and piteous. He was an orphan of sorts seeking to belong as well, after all. But these friends of hers… how could they sway her from what was so clearly her destiny? He flashed the pilot’s image in her mind again, with the label “Spice Runner”, adding a questioning lilt to his thoughts. 

“Poe. His name is Poe,” she said sternly. “He’s… impulsive,” she conceded. He gave one short, humorless laugh at the defense. “And he’s also loyal, and determined, and the best damn pilot I’ve ever seen,” she snapped in response to Kylo’s humor at Poe’s expense. “He…” she paused, becoming thoughtful. “He rallies us. He sees a problem, comes up with some crazy scheme to solve it, and he’s just mad enough to pull it off… every time. He makes us feel like we can really do it… like we can actually win…” she paused again, wistful. She looked up into Kylo’s eyes, and said clearly, “He makes me believe I can actually save the galaxy.” She chuckled and shook her head a bit as she said it, making it clear that she knew how insane that sounded. 

_So he’s a good politician_ , Kylo thought asininely. He then flashed images of the former storm trooper, FN-2187, thinking “traitor”. 

“Finn,” she corrected him, with a steely warning. She was protective of this one. 

Rey thought carefully about her friend, and Kylo sensed a deep connection there. He felt a flare of anger toward the traitor, when he realized that she honored her connection to him over their own. Loyalty, he thought venomously. That is what she felt for her friend, “Finn”. Whereas she felt suspicion, doubt and anger toward himself – except for when they were here, in their shared mind. That knowledge grounded him again. She trusted him here. And she certainly didn’t have this connection with anyone else. Likely no one else in the galaxy had ever experienced this level of connection before. 

“Finn is…” Rey thought long and hard about the right words to describe her best friend. “Good,” she finally settled on. “And loyal. And he’s… always there. Even when I don’t want him there,” she said with a rueful smile. “He… he makes me feel like the galaxy is _worth_ saving.” 

Kylo wasn’t sure how he felt about that. It sounded like more fairy tales to him… silly, foolish. But she believed it, and that made her connection to these people dangerous. He stared into her eyes for a few more moments, wanting to ask the next question, but dreading the answer. He finally made the leap and pressed his own image into their shared mind, with the word “monster”, again with a question implied. He remembered back to when she had called him that, first in the forest after he had killed Han Solo, and then again when the Force had connected them later on. 

She looked into his eyes, seemingly searching for the answer. But he could feel she was already resolved on the matter. He felt the answer before she thought it. 

"No. You’re not a monster. You were manipulated… -" she pictured Snoke whispering into his mind "- and betrayed –" she pictured Luke raising his light saber against him. "But there is still light in you. I still see it in your eyes. You hide it under your mask, but it’s clear in your face." 

Kylo felt a pulse of anger – anger at her for perceiving his internal battle, and anger at himself for not being strong enough to end the tug-of-war inside him, once and for all. Rey stepped closer to him, her face just inches from his own. She reached for his hands, clasping them gently. That miraculous sense of grounding, and of being exactly where he was meant to be, washed over him again. 

“I won’t give up on you, Ben,” she said quietly, meeting him directly in the eye, as if challenging him to check the truth of the statement in her eyes himself. He did so… and saw exactly what she said. She would not give in. She conjured an image of him standing in darkness and herself in light – she took his hand and guided him home, into the Light. The vision was firm, like steel. She would not waver. 

He felt at once grateful, and impatient. Grateful that she would dedicate herself to him, to ending his pain. And impatient for her fascination with fairy tales and make-believe to end; she would turn in the end. He was sure of it. He just needed to convince her of that. He could feel that she sensed the conflict within him even now, and that she wanted to impress upon him her sincerity. She lifted onto her toes, and again pressed her lips gently to his. 

Kylo had something to prove to her as well – he needed her to understand that the Dark Side was so much stronger than her, that he was so much stronger than her. He needed her to accept that she would turn. He took the kiss and deepened it, his body pressing her backward, his tongue slipping between her lips. He backed her up against a nearby wall, making his body flush to hers. He flooded her mind with the impression of his power, his command of the Dark. He felt the jolt of shock that rolled through her at his aggression, but almost instantly it was replaced by a need. He felt it, too. Their twin needs rose together, desperation clawing its way into them through their bond. He gripped the fabric at her waist, and used his other hand to grip her hair, holding her firmly in place as he dominated the kiss. Her hands snaked out to land on his waist, slowly rising to his chest, his shoulders, and down his arms. One hand then shot up to his face, gliding across his cheek, to his ear, and coming to rest in his hair, holding him to her. Her other hand returned to his chest, at first just lingering there, and then pulling at the fabric, as if she wanted him even closer. 

His intentions fell away at the onslaught of emotions ravaged his system. He had nothing to prove now. He just needed… this. He needed her. He felt as if he’d expire if this ended. He needed more. He reached for their shared mind, and felt the same need in her, a perfect reflection of his own desire. Needing to take this deeper, he slid a thigh between her legs, pressing his knee to the wall at her back. He felt a shock of pleasure shoot through her, and he felt his own need abate somewhat. No, he realized. His need wasn’t subsiding, but something else was rising to meet it. His entire being was filled with a sense of satisfaction, of contentment. They had completely dropped their animosity, their suspicion, the Light and the Dark. It was just them, and their connection. That was all they could feel together in this moment. 

The aggression drained from him slowly, the kiss becoming something more about his feelings for her. This compassion for her he couldn’t seem to shake. The contentment and peace that her touch brought him. The fact that they were two halves of a whole, two lonely and frightened orphans that somehow found each other through his maddening connection. He realized he would protect this bond no matter the cost. He hadn’t told Snoke about it. He sensed that she hadn’t shared it with anyone either. It was only for them. 

After several long minutes, he pulled his head back, looking into her eyes as he caught his breath. He realized their breath was still perfectly in lockstep, both inhaling and exhaling together. He listened for her heartbeat, and was pleased to note that it thundered in perfect cadence with his own. They were one. He drew in a ragged breath, his mind awash with the implications of it all. 

He again thought of her destiny, and what her powers would lead her to become. Would this bond keep their fates intertwined, bring her to the Dark Side and join them together? Or would she turn only to become his most equal of rivals, unseating him from the throne he envisioned sitting on one day? He wouldn’t let the latter happen. They were meant to use this bond, to combine their power, and to rule together. He was certain of it. His face still just inches from hers, he pressed a last lingering kiss to her lips, before pulling back once more. 

“Rey… come with me,” he urged her again, recalling the passion they had shared, that they had created together, and flooding their connection with it. He saw the indecision in her eyes, as she fought to gain perspective on her feelings for him and her call to the Light. They were pulling her evenly, tearing her in two. He felt a rush of satisfaction at knowing that she felt the same unyielding pain at being drawn incessantly between two conflicting things. For him it was Light and Dark, for her it was Light and… him. He could not feel a call to the Dark within her, which puzzled him. How did she elude its seduction? He knew she had been confronted with it before… she had gone into the darkness, that cave, on the island, without fear or hesitation, had learned all she could from it… and then walked away. It was the same when she had faced him. When he had interrogated her, discovering the motivations for her fear and loneliness from her mind, she had traced his connection to her mind back to him, and learned all she could in those precious few seconds in his mind. Despite his skills, she simply learned what she could, and then let go of the darkness as he released her mind. 

He marveled that such a thing was possible. It made him want to route through her mind, unlock her secrets. How did she do it? If he could learn… he could finally banish these niggling urges to go to the Light. Or maybe… 

He looked into her eyes again, barely dreaming to hope. No… he was too far gone for that. 

A part of him – he wasn’t sure how large a part, as he beat the feeling back as soon as it was identified – was envious. And ashamed. He had thought resisting such a call to the Dark was impossible, since he had been unable to manage it. But this girl had done it. Repeatedly. He was weak. He shoved the troubling thoughts aside again. 

“Rey,” he said again, softly, his resolve solidifying. “Let me help you. Let me show you who you are meant to become.” Rey stared at him a long while, as their breathing finally slowed to normal. He saw indecision still tugging her in both directions, her need to be by his side in direct conflict with her calling. 

“Ben…” she started slowly. “I –“ she was cut off by a banging on the door to his quarters. His head whipped to the side, glaring at the door. He heard Hux’s voice come through the door. 

“Sir, we’ve begun our assault on the Resistance fleet. Master Snoke has requested your presence on the command deck as we implement our plan.” 

Kylo’s fury at the menial interruption was palpable. On impulse, he pulled the Force tightly to him, and sent a wave of it toward Hux. He heard the sharp thud from the hallway as Hux slammed into the wall beyond. He turned back to Rey. 

She was gone. His hands, still positioned where he had held her waist and her hair, now held nothing. He let his arms drop, his hands curling into fists. He felt his fury burning, a hot ball of fire within him. He spun toward the center of his quarters, letting the fire inside him burst outward as he cried out in rage, something between a scream and a growl, at having been ripped from Rey like this. His soul felt it was splitting in two, the peace she had flooded him with gone in an instant. Half of him was missing. As the Force exploded out of him, every piece of furniture and every item that each held, went flying across the room, slamming against the far wall. As his bed fractured and fell in pieces against the wall, he felt a twin pain ignite inside him. Rey’s shock at the loss of him gave way to a crushing sense of being alone. 

“Don’t leave me!” he heard her scream into their connection. She was still reeling with the knowledge of her lineage, and then from the feelings they had experienced together while connected. Without him there now, she felt it all keenly again. She felt utterly alone drifting in that empty space… wherever she was. 

He had no way of finding her. Even she hadn’t known where she was. He reached for her with his mind, but there seemed to be a distance between them now. He still felt her, and felt the strength of her emotions rolling through her, but he couldn’t reach her. Not at all. Frustrated, he breathed in the anger. He allowed it to fill him, an unworthy compensation for the loss he felt. But it was all he had. Taking several steadying breaths, he reached for his helmet, its surface now scratched and fractured. He put it on anyway. Rey was right… his conflict was plain to see on his face, especially now as he struggled to contain the strength of these emotions. But as the anger settled into his bones, he felt him come back to himself… mostly. He put up the mental walls again, realizing that these interactions with Rey were distracting… troublingly so. He was completely focused on her. He needed to retreat to the darkness. He wasn’t strong enough to resist her, he knew. But he needed to try. 

Even as he had the futile thought, he knew he would gladly walk through fire to connect with her again. He shook that knowledge off, putting her from his mind. 

With a last balancing breath, he stepped out into the hallway. Hux was bent over, his arm balancing him against the wall, trying desperately to recover his strength after picking himself up. He glanced up as Kylo entered the hallway, his eyes screaming unsaid threats and seething hatred. Kylo ignored him, and strode down the hallway toward the command deck. It was time to end the Resistance.


End file.
